david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
