so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
