i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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