I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
