I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
