How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
