It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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