mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
