So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
