I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
