What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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