i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
