I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
