does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
