i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
