Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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