i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
