Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
