Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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