I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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