I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
