Rock
Scissors
Fuck
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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