I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
