So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
