I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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