Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
