Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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