I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize