make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
