So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
