Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
