so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
