You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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