Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
