I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
