Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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