end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
