My first STD was from a foam party
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize