Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
