Can Purell be used as lube?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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