he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
