new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
