i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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