Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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