I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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