Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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