he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
