He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
