Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
