wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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