Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
