also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
