it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
