Screwed.edu
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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