i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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