you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
