I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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