i just google imaged poop.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
