I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
