I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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