Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
