you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
no. you can't hotbox the world.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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