I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
