WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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