My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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