as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
