Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
