I hope mine doesn't look like that
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
