Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
