Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
