If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
