We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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