i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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