ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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