I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
