K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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