do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
