peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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