Who did Billy Mays play for?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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