He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
