so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
