Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
