apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
